Realization

Having a full scholarship to play volleyball has allowed my family to save tons of money by going here. I am very lucky to not have a debt to pay when I graduate. There are also a number of perks as well as special treatment to playing a sport in college. It is an advantage as well as a disadvantage but now that I look back I did not realize how lucky I was to actually be able to go here and continue my volleyball career. I have had a rough past four years, with the drama on the team, dealing with losses, feeling like you are a failure countless times, people telling you that you can't do something, lots and lots of tears, wanting to quit, realizing that I am human and I am not the best at everything, enduring physical pain weekly if not daily, living with regret, what seemed like depression for awhile, learning to deal with people you dislike daily, did I mention tears, doing LOTS of things everyday that you don't want to do, but you have to. It seems like all I do is focus on the negative things. But, I am realizing that all of these things only made me stronger, and I defintely am a different person now compared to when I walked into that first meeting we had on August 10 of 2003. The things that I don't think of when I look back are the positive things, the memories, the people, the experiences, the lessons, the things that made me a better person. I am a happier person now that volleyball is over, but a part of me feels like I am nothing anymore. For the past fifteen years sports is what I have been about. I was always known as the great athlete, the star, always in the newspaper, but it's all over now and I hate it. I hate not being apart of a team anymore, I miss the competition, the excitement of a close match, sweating, feeling strong and confident about my body. Now all of the new younger athletes don't know who I am, they'll never see me play my favorite sport, now will I know what it's like to be at my best and step onto the court in front of a crowd and play the best game of my life (32 kills). I will never play a sport in front of my family again.... It's crazy but all of those years I hated going to practice, waking up for 7 am lifting, dreading running or doing summer workouts, team functions, and the feeling of being nervous because of the pressure of winning a match, and now I don't know what to do now that it's all over. I would love to have one more season, those millions of times I told myself and others that I hated volleyball and I couldn't wait for it to be over I only thought about the negative things I was going through, I didn't think about all of the things that I would miss and I do miss. Having a free Drake education and volleyball career with countless perks and things just given to me seems like a dream and I am very lucky to have had that but I am just realizing it now. I do regret not enjoying more during the seasons and just dwelling on the negative, but it's all in the past, and now I can just be a lucky person and think back, look at pictures, watch the team on the bench, play volleyball for fun, and enjoy it

The Other Side

Coming back from break, I decided to start working out again. I started going to volleyball practice and just scrimmaging with the girls. At first, it was weird playing again. It has been almost five months. But, I got back into it and played on the "other side," which is the non-starting side or the challenge side. I have seen the other side a couple of times, but throughout the last four years the starting side was my home. So, playing with the coaches and some other scrimmage players was different, but sooooo much fun. Now I know the different between pressure and fun. I play 100 times better when I'm having fun and there's no pressure. If I felt this way throughout my career the outcome would have been a 360 turn around, but it's all in the past. I am now getting back to LOVING volleyball. It has been four years since I have felt this way. Playing volleyball in college is a job, and you don't really get a chance to enjoy it, and the love and passion that you had when you were younger goes away because there are sooo many other factors involved that outweigh these deep feelings. But, I am very happy to be done, but sad because I do miss playing it on the daily basis, which is why I started playing again. My body however did not miss it apparently. I have not felt this sore since pre-season, and I mean every single muscle and bone in your entire body aches, muscles that you never thought you had ache, and it even hurts not to move....HAHA....but live is good on the other side.

Spring Break 2007

For spring break this year, my roommates Liz, Kara, and I drove down to Texas to see Kara's mom in Kingsville. We left Saturday morning and worked our way down to South Texas stopping in Dallas first. We must have found the dirtiest, sketchy, low-class motel/inn and stayed there Saturday night/St. Patty's Day. Our motel smelled like rotten sweaty feet and the bed was slanted with cigarette burns in the sheets. The bathroom was dirty with cockroaches crawling all over the floors. We celebrated the holiday at the skankiest Coyote Ugly in America, where we met countless old men who wanted to buy us drinks and talk to us. We tried to make this trip as short as possible so we left early the next morning and headed to Kingsville with a hangover. We stayed in Kingsville until about Wednesday. We went to the beach in Corpus Christi and also stayed a night in South Padre with hundreds of other spring breakers, which made it even more crazy. But, we left with a tan and a citation for having glass bottles on the beach...holy shit, does it look like I ever go to the beach...yea it's not worth paying 500 dollars a bottle for it. We made our way back up to San Antonio Thursday; we also ran into the men's basketball sweet sixteen crowd. We went to a piano bar (met some really odd, creepy old men there as well) and walked around the river walk all night. The next day we drove up to Austin to spend our last night of spring break on the famous 6th Street. It was crazy down there, since there's two universities, there's so many people that they shut this street off...but we went to some bars and ended the night. The next morning we woke up and made the 11 hour drive back to Des Moines. Personally, I never knew how happy I would be to be back in Des Moines...WOW...Probably never again will I feel this way. But, overall the trip was filled with creepy old men, drama.....drama, good weather, and some laughs. It was fun, but I am so glad I am home.