Realization

Having a full scholarship to play volleyball has allowed my family to save tons of money by going here. I am very lucky to not have a debt to pay when I graduate. There are also a number of perks as well as special treatment to playing a sport in college. It is an advantage as well as a disadvantage but now that I look back I did not realize how lucky I was to actually be able to go here and continue my volleyball career. I have had a rough past four years, with the drama on the team, dealing with losses, feeling like you are a failure countless times, people telling you that you can't do something, lots and lots of tears, wanting to quit, realizing that I am human and I am not the best at everything, enduring physical pain weekly if not daily, living with regret, what seemed like depression for awhile, learning to deal with people you dislike daily, did I mention tears, doing LOTS of things everyday that you don't want to do, but you have to. It seems like all I do is focus on the negative things. But, I am realizing that all of these things only made me stronger, and I defintely am a different person now compared to when I walked into that first meeting we had on August 10 of 2003. The things that I don't think of when I look back are the positive things, the memories, the people, the experiences, the lessons, the things that made me a better person. I am a happier person now that volleyball is over, but a part of me feels like I am nothing anymore. For the past fifteen years sports is what I have been about. I was always known as the great athlete, the star, always in the newspaper, but it's all over now and I hate it. I hate not being apart of a team anymore, I miss the competition, the excitement of a close match, sweating, feeling strong and confident about my body. Now all of the new younger athletes don't know who I am, they'll never see me play my favorite sport, now will I know what it's like to be at my best and step onto the court in front of a crowd and play the best game of my life (32 kills). I will never play a sport in front of my family again.... It's crazy but all of those years I hated going to practice, waking up for 7 am lifting, dreading running or doing summer workouts, team functions, and the feeling of being nervous because of the pressure of winning a match, and now I don't know what to do now that it's all over. I would love to have one more season, those millions of times I told myself and others that I hated volleyball and I couldn't wait for it to be over I only thought about the negative things I was going through, I didn't think about all of the things that I would miss and I do miss. Having a free Drake education and volleyball career with countless perks and things just given to me seems like a dream and I am very lucky to have had that but I am just realizing it now. I do regret not enjoying more during the seasons and just dwelling on the negative, but it's all in the past, and now I can just be a lucky person and think back, look at pictures, watch the team on the bench, play volleyball for fun, and enjoy it